he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm like, not good at living.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
