I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Cover your peen. We're going out.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
