Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
