did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I need a burrito and a hug.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
