I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
