you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
