When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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