i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just puked most of my soul out..
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
