rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
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Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
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You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize