The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
40s are totally the cure
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
