And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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