I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
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Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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