Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
