Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
