How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
