Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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