Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
