Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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