If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
