You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
