At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
