I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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