I need help removing her.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
