I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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