you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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