well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
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