Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
