So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
