I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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