I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
