I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
