He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
