i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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