I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
