and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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