so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
