What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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