toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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