my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
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i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
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He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard