Dude, just got a bummer.
A blow job from a homeless chick.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
let's call it "werewolfing"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.