He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...