Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
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I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
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Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.