what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
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Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
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Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
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wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.