Texts From Last Night

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  (702): View more from Nevada

  That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!

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  (702): That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked! http://tfl.nu/4dq3
  Replies (53) Good night (893) Bad night (5599)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.

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  (224): his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this. http://tfl.nu/41n8
  Replies (55) Good night (1369) Bad night (5255)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  You can't date a girl from every country.

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I'm the captain planet of women

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  (678): You can't date a girl from every country. (770): I'm the captain planet of women http://tfl.nu/8wp1
  Replies (19) Good night (5150) Bad night (693)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.

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  (516): You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit. http://tfl.nu/xfz2
  Replies (17) Good night (1185) Bad night (3904)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you

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  (207): so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you http://tfl.nu/yn2g
  Replies (9) Good night (4609) Bad night (937)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out

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  (413): my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out http://tfl.nu/0mnv
  Replies (13) Good night (8872) Bad night (1246)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night

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  (314): You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night http://tfl.nu/nbdz
  Replies (13) Good night (1704) Bad night (4505)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus

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  (315): its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus http://tfl.nu/cdww
  Replies (12) Good night (4027) Bad night (1598)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.

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  (443): The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that. http://tfl.nu/d0ly
  Replies (15) Good night (3964) Bad night (1369)
• Favorite

  (980): View more from North Carolina

  I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!

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  (980): I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!! http://tfl.nu/427k
  Replies (15) Good night (2120) Bad night (1331)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym

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  (949): Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym http://tfl.nu/zlhc
  Replies (3) Good night (1509) Bad night (619)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am

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  (864): Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am http://tfl.nu/oar5
  Replies (5) Good night (789) Bad night (1437)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.

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  (404): I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life. http://tfl.nu/rfqb
  Replies (3) Good night (1437) Bad night (740)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.

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  (717): She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious. http://tfl.nu/pknw
  Replies (1) Good night (547) Bad night (575)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.

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  (609): My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault. http://tfl.nu/ck7y
  Replies (0) Good night (567) Bad night (196)

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