Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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