Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Randomize
