Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
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i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
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We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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