I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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