I saw his package. It spoke to me.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
