It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
