Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
zippers are such a cool invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize