My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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