I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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