We're facebook friends in real life
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He felt like a one man threesome
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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