That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize