I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
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Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
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Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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