I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
