So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
