so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
