She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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