dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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