i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
time to smoke my breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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