I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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