Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
