whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
